Re: I just want it more
Every few days, I check out Bear Blog's Discovery Feed. I trawl about the first 50 posts on the Trending tab and sift through about 100 posts of the Most recent tab. I click titles that seem interesting or I'm curious about and give things a look.
Today, I read the post I just want it more by tala. It starts off:
A while ago, I found an X post where someone asked (not verbatim): How do some people manage a full-time job, side hustle, gym, an active social life, at all once? Someone responded I just want it more.
I appreciate their thoughts on this and it's encouraging that people can take that response — "I just want it more" — with such grace and inspiration.
I went very far in the opposite direction.
I was incensed. I was hurt and upset. Yes, this is very much a reflection of my personal experiences because I have heard smatterings of this same sentiment for the better part of my life:
"If you cared, you would remember."
"If I wanted to be a writer, I would be writing all the time."
"You just don't want it enough."
Desire is much like pain — you cannot know someone's capacity or tolerance. Why is my intense, burning desire not considered enough? What if this is the most I am capable of — that I want this so much, yet it's still not enough to get me over the mountain that looms in my path: my complete inability to get anything done?
I found out that I had ADHD deep in the trenches of my adulthood. I'd spent most of my life up to that point viciously attacking myself because I couldn't seem to do the actions that were important to me, that were essential, or even necessary for survival. "You want to do this so much! You know how important it is! Just do it!"
Sometimes your desires — no matter how brightly they burn — are not enough to make something happen or even make something possible. I can want something with every fibre of my being and still not have said thing come to fruition. That has nothing to do with desire.
People need to realise that desire is not always an adequate motivator. Instead of callously jutting your chin out and saying "I just want it more" or "If you cared, you would make it work" to someone who is struggling to juggle their lives and interests, maybe give them your successful strategies! They are lost and want to make things work — might even be asking for help! How is such condemnation helpful here at all?
I wanted very much to not feel overwhelmed and to accomplish what I set out to do. Personally, I had to sit down and figure out what my biggest blockers were and build systems that helped me DO THE THING.
Example: Writing is important to me but I can't seem to get started or find time to do it!
- Look at your schedule and determine what days and times you have available to write. Don't try to do it whenever~ because you might just NOT do it.
- Consider your motivation and brain fatigue. Are you wide awake at night? Are you more productive in the mornings? When can you actually Do The Thing without feeling like a burnt out slug?
- Make physical notes to place in your line of sight or wear a bracelet with a tag on it to bring the desired action to the immediate surroundings. Make it physical and something you cannot ignore.
- Eliminate as many distractions as possible. Wear sound-cancelling headphones, wear earplugs, use programs or apps to prevent you from doom scrolling YouTube or TikTok for the duration of your task. Close the door or curtains if you need to.
- Set a timer for yourself for 5, 10, 25 minutes. Whatever you want. If it needs to be the smallest win, make it 5 minutes. Spend that time completely engaged with the task you want to do. When the timer is up, if you want and can keep working, go for it. Otherwise, congrats! You Did The Thing!
Can you see how much I care? Do you see my lists and sticky notes and clocks and apps and programs and planners to help me stay on track and keep on task? Don't you see how much I want this?
Do not tell me you just want it more. You don't know how much I want it. Sometimes we just need help instead of judgement.
As my anger dissipates, I know there's another reading of this. I know "I just want it more" could be viewed as a reminder to reflect upon your life and hobbies and figure out what is most important to you and put your time and energy into those things. I know that, I do. I think I'm just tired of people thinking that the difficulties some people face have anything to do with how serious they are or how much something means to them. Sometimes it's not about how much you want something but how you go about it that can change your life.